‘Covid Will Not Win’: Meet the Force Powering Brooklyn Hospital Center


‘Covid Will Not Win’: Meet the Power Powering Brooklyn Hospital MiddleBy Victor J. Blue, Sheri Fink and Catrin Einhorn
Images by Victor J. Blue

Throughout the surge of Covid-19 instances this spring that stuffed Brooklyn Hospital’s emergency room and intensive care unit with the critically unwell and the dying, the workers went in day after day, attempting to save lots of as many lives as they may. Now they’re bracing for a second wave.

These portraits of the hospital workers had been taken throughout the grueling first wave. In interviews in latest months, the employees mirrored on that interval — what they’d lived by and the way they’d coped, what they’d realized and the way it had modified them.

From the medical doctors and nurses to the employees serving behind the scenes, every had a significant function to play, and every knew that enjoying it could possibly be deadly. Combating this illness required sacrifice and braveness from the laundry room and the availability depot, the laboratory and the safety desk — all through the hospital, all the best way to the chief govt’s workplace.

The expertise of a lot dying in such a short while was overwhelming. It appeared in some way unimaginable, so unbearably unhappy that it couldn’t be actual. And nonetheless they went in.

Many spoke in battle metaphors. The virus appeared to come back from all sides, they stated, and threatened to spare nobody. They talked concerning the entrance line, and being referred to as to obligation, and “coaching for struggle.”

The interviews, performed between Might and July, have been edited and condensed.

The primary day that I went into that truck, I went house and cried for about two hours.Alexis Gomez, affected person transport

Alexis Gomez, affected person transportI say I’m the cab driver contained in the hospital. I transfer individuals by mattress, stretcher or wheelchair. I knock on their door, introduce myself, and attempt to crack a joke or one thing so they may smile, as a result of they’re in all probability not having the perfect day in the event that they’re within the hospital.With Covid, I grew to become a mortician concurrently a transporter. The quantity of our bodies that we needed to transfer — it was in all probability the toughest factor I’ve ever needed to do. My job can be: clock in, in all probability do one or two calls, after which get suited as much as transfer about 15 our bodies right into a freezer truck, each single day. Useless weight might be the heaviest factor that you can ever really feel.The primary day that I went into that truck, I went house and cried for about two hours. My spouse needed to maintain me.The scary half is the subsequent day, I used to be desensitized. I put my go well with on. I sat down. I took a deep breath and simply stated, “Let’s go.”Then the pandemic took one in all our transporters, someone that was with us for nearly 30 years. He was our delegate. He was an enormous brother. He was one of the vital widespread, vital individuals in that constructing.Ever since he handed away, I actually really feel everyone’s dying.This was my time to be referred to as to do that, you perceive? There have been six or seven of us that went on these vans each day, and so they all may inform you an identical factor.I’m past proud.

Coronavirus has made me in all probability much more conscious of the worth of human connection in treating sickness, as a result of we’re actually disadvantaged of that, the sufferers are disadvantaged of that. It’s made me extra weak, extra grateful to be there and be capable to do one thing to assist, to assist people who I may assist.Dr. Sylvie de Souza, chief of emergency drugs

Dr. Sylvie de Souza, chief of emergency drugsMy job is to supervise a staff of E.R. physicians and residents in coaching. And to make sure the emergency division runs effectively and offers high quality care and environment friendly care and secure care.My favourite a part of my job is the staff, the E.R. staff, my colleagues. My least favourite a part of my job is conditions the place I really feel that I’m not capable of assist.Coronavirus has made me in all probability much more conscious of the worth of human connection in treating sickness, as a result of we’re actually disadvantaged of that, the sufferers are disadvantaged of that. It’s made me extra weak, extra grateful to be there and be capable to do one thing to assist, to assist people who I may assist.The concern of this coming again is the toughest half now, and fascinated with those that we’ve got misplaced that we weren’t capable of assist and actually weren’t capable of honor ultimately, or their households weren’t capable of honor within the method they might have needed to. That’s what I take into consideration now.Dealing with the day brings a mix of feelings. There may be the anxiousness of simply returning to the scene of a lot dying and sickness and ache and struggling. There’s the hope that we by no means should see this once more in our complete careers. It’s a mix, it’s anxiousness and concern, however as quickly as we’re concerned within the motion of the day and the duty at hand, it simply dissipates.Undoubtedly coming house is a special story. Then I believe all of us have bother sleeping, bother resting. Despite the fact that it appears quiet now, I don’t suppose any of us are at peace.

We had so many extra taking place per day, typically a number of sufferers crashing on the similar time.Christine Ciaramella, emergency drugs medical pharmacist

Christine Ciaramella, emergency drugs medical pharmacistThe general public is aware of pharmacists in retail settings, however I work in an emergency division. I’m bodily current at bedside with sufferers, working alongside the medical doctors to provide you with the perfect treatment routine. I additionally put together medicines on the bedside.Usually I work with a staff and reply to cardiac arrests and intubations. We had so many extra taking place per day, typically a number of sufferers crashing on the similar time. We needed to prioritize and run from individual to individual to attempt to sustain. It obtained to a degree the place I had a fanny pack of intubation medicines, so I saved all of the medicines on me. I used to be pushed to my restrict.As pharmacists, we additionally needed to take care of drug shortages. All of the hospitals had been utilizing sure medicines, for instance, sedatives to maintain sufferers intubated on the respiration tubes. We must get inventive and provide you with options in a short time. What can be the subsequent best choice to make use of?Once I was in it, I used to be simply in it. The times had been flying by, I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. I used to be simply on this marathon. After which as soon as it slowed down, it caught as much as me. I wanted a while to myself. I obtained some relaxation, processed it. Now I really feel again to regular.

I dwell within the neighborhood. I used to be born locally. I get up daily extra motivated, desirous to do probably the most I can to assist my group.Lenny Singletary, senior vp for exterior affairs, technique and advertising

Lenny Singletary, senior vp for exterior affairs, technique and advertisingI left Wall Road to take this job. The youthful me would have been like: “What? A hospital? You?” I by no means thought as a youthful me that I ever would have had a profession in well being care.The favourite a part of my job actually is the engagement. I like simply listening to completely different tales about what individuals take care of and how one can assist present an answer for his or her points and their considerations. The least favourite a part of my job goes as much as the I.C.U. That’s the ground the place my mom died in 2013, the day after Thanksgiving.My job has modified as a result of coronavirus. In some ways it has expanded. I by no means imagined that I might be an individual taking a management function with offering take care of the group, by constructing a tent that supplied screening and aid to over 2,000 group members.Typically while you’re in a job like exterior affairs or advertising or technique I don’t know that you simply ever suppose that you’d encounter the mass casualties. However nothing concerning the pandemic was regular. Some I knew, some had been family and friends members, some had been mates of mates. That was actually intense.I dwell within the neighborhood. I used to be born locally. I get up daily extra motivated, desirous to do probably the most I can to assist my group. The parents most affected by this pandemic suffered socioeconomic disparities, which led to well being disparities. They’re one and the identical. I don’t know any billionaires or individuals who have entry to capital who’re additionally coping with well being disparities.The toughest factor concerning the job is how can we get individuals to come back again. I don’t need somebody to sit down house and have what could possibly be a routine sickness develop to the purpose that it turns into actually complicated as a result of you may have concern of returning again to the hospital.

There was at some point I cleaned 10 beds, and from these 10 beds, six sufferers died.Maribel Sanchez, housekeeper

Maribel Sanchez, housekeeperI began in information entry at an organization that shut down. That’s once I had a yr with no work, no job. My mates stated, if something comes simply take it after which you may transfer on to no matter you want. It was 1992. My godmother used to do hair for a secretary from the hospital. She stated they wanted somebody. I felt so comfy doing it, it simply rolled on, and 27 years later I’m nonetheless there.I clear the beds when the affected person leaves, transfers or all of a sudden passes away. I do the flooring, the dusting and the housekeeping stuff. I work for the I.C.U. items: mop the ground, take out the rubbish, choose up slightly piece right here and there, refill the paper towels, the cleaning soap sanitizer and all that stuff.My favourite a part of my job is cleansing the mattress, as a result of as quickly as I start a mattress I believe in my thoughts, one in all my household could possibly be there or it could possibly be me, so I’ve to do it proper, like no minimize corners.The toughest half throughout the pandemic was cleansing all these beds and you recognize these sufferers didn’t switch, they died. There was at some point I cleaned 10 beds, and from these 10 beds, six sufferers died. It was exhausting for me as a result of I by no means noticed in at some point so many individuals die.I see life in a different way. It’s quick. You’re keen on your loved ones greater than earlier than, since you don’t know should you’re going to see them once more or not. My mom in Boston is 77 years previous, and he or she has dementia. I wish to see her earlier than she forgets about everyone.Typically I say I’m solely a housekeeper. Different individuals come and inform me what I do and the function I do, that it’s vital and stuff. I don’t suppose a lot about it. I like what I’m doing.

After they introduced these fridge trailers, seeing these our bodies rolled in there, that was overwhelming, you recognize? All these our bodies. It’s exhausting to take.Louie Ortiz, electrical store foreman

Louie Ortiz, electrical store foremanWe’re within the background. We keep the hospital. We’re accountable for the mills, affected person rooms, we’ve obtained to verify the shops and lights are all working.It’s one thing completely different daily.Now it’s a must to bear in mind, put on a masks. There have been some rooms that we needed to change over to affected person rooms. We needed to put shops in, guarantee that every part was up and prepared.After they introduced these fridge trailers, seeing these our bodies rolled in there, that was overwhelming, you recognize? All these our bodies. It’s exhausting to take.We had, I believe, 4 guys within the engineering division get sick from it. However they got here out of it, they’re nice. We had different individuals, really about 5 individuals, I believe, move away. Certainly one of them was my buddy from patient-transfer, a superb man named Ed Becote.As quickly as I get within the door my spouse is spraying me up. She sprays my baggage, garments. She’s an asthmatic so she’s obtained to watch out, too.I get up within the morning, I’m nice. However once I’m able to go in I simply don’t wish to. I inform myself: “Let’s make it by one other day. Watch out.”

Even once I give it some thought proper now, it provides me goosebumps. It was a really scary, very overwhelming expertise. It was a nightmare. Dr. Kiran Zaman, essential care fellow

Dr. Kiran Zaman, essential care fellow

Even once I give it some thought proper now, it provides me goosebumps. It was a really scary, very overwhelming expertise. It was a nightmare.

In direction of the top of the morning report virtually daily there can be a fast response or an unlucky code blue and we might run over. And the day would simply go on like this, working to those rooms discovering Covid sufferers in excessive respiratory misery, gasping for air. A few of them made it. Sadly, a few of them didn’t.

I’ll always remember their faces, the issues that they stated proper earlier than they had been on the verge of dying or getting intubated. “Oh my God, Physician, please guarantee that I dwell,” or, “Inform my spouse this: I like her.”

There was a really sick, younger Covid affected person. He was really taking a look at his daughter’s photos proper earlier than he obtained intubated. He informed me, “Inform my spouse I’m going to come back house.” And he was swiping his daughter’s photos on the cellphone, he made a cross on his chest and saved his cellphone on his chest. After which he obtained intubated and sadly that very same night time he died. We did every part to save lots of him, however we couldn’t.

I used to observe physician dramas or soaps on TV, see these individuals saving lives and want I used to be like them sometime. I don’t suppose anyone ever imagined to be in one thing as intense as this pandemic.

This was a really humbling expertise. I think about myself very fortunate that I used to be a part of this hospital. I realized from each expertise, whether or not it was as a human being or as a doctor.

When your sickest sufferers begin bettering, there’s no match for that feeling. I don’t know the way to clarify it in phrases — it’s like magic.

I believe, ‘Aw man, it could possibly be me there on the machine in that situation.’Chostene Phanord, linen service

Chostene Phanord, linen serviceI’ve been working at Brooklyn Hospital for 31 years. I got here right here from Haiti once I was solely 20.For me, daily is identical factor. I begin at four o’clock within the morning. I choose up the soiled laundry as a result of the truck comes at 5 and we wish to give him as a lot soiled linen as doable. The extra soiled linen you give, the extra clear you get again. Then we simply push all of the clear laundry upstairs and begin making deliveries. I do half the hospital and my companion does half.We cowl up very properly to guard ourselves from the virus. Typically you see individuals on the machine and you are feeling sorry. No person’s imagined to undergo that. I believe, “Aw man, it could possibly be me there on the machine in that situation.” I get scared and say, “Neglect it, let me maintain transferring, let me maintain going.” I make my supply and attempt to go away the ground as quickly as doable.

You’re proper in the course of the storm and also you don’t know whether or not you’ll get to the opposite aspect. It was a really intense second for me. You couldn’t cease individuals from dying.Dr. Vasantha Kondamudi, govt vp, chief medical officer

Dr. Vasantha Kondamudi, govt vp, chief medical officerThe whole lot we had been earlier than is one story. Covid taught us. It taught me the way to be a weak chief and resilient.When the height got here I needed to reassure my entrance line, I needed to take care of them within the tent, within the emergency division, the intensive care unit, speaking to the nurses, speaking to the medical doctors, making rounds once we didn’t have sufficient P.P.E. How do you defend your sufferers and your staff? As a result of that’s your accountability. We needed to be very progressive. For per week we needed to put on all rubbish baggage.The steering modified each week. It was such a dynamic state of affairs. We needed to rapidly react to the knowledge that we acquired reasonably than simply sitting there and questioning, “I want we had recognized that.” For this pandemic, not one of the data would allow you to. This pandemic, no person is aware of something. It’s model new for everyone, for the complete world.Once we had the height of deaths and once we needed to have the second morgue truck, a video got here out, an outdoor individual saying individuals are dying right here. It simply wakes you up and reveals you the place you’re. You open your eyes and see. Oh my God, is it the place I’m? And also you don’t know whether or not you’ll get out. You’re proper in the course of the storm and also you don’t know whether or not you’ll get to the opposite aspect. It was a really intense second for me. You couldn’t cease individuals from dying.There was a second that plenty of well being care staff had been sick. There have been sufferers dying, your colleagues are getting sick and there’s dangerous information in all places. So that you don’t know whether or not we’ll ever get out of this pandemic as an establishment and as a nation.At this time is sweet for me. I can look again and say, “Actually, did we undergo that?” However in that point when that occurred you wanted to have plenty of energy and braveness and hope and religion that you’d get out of it. That was a scary second emotionally.

We misplaced plenty of our co-workers right here, very shut individuals. That basically harm us. We’re nonetheless grieving.Elvin Cruz, safety officer

Elvin Cruz, safety officer

I’ve been doing this about 20 years. My mother was sick and I’m the oldest so I simply needed to work.Safety was the best job for me to get fast. You get your certification and also you begin working.The job is kind of policing the hospital. Questions of safety, crowd management, ensuring every part is OK.With the virus, it modified drastically. Numerous our co-workers had been out, so plenty of us needed to step as much as completely different roles. I used to be serving to the blokes in transportation. We had been bringing the our bodies out in stretchers.We misplaced plenty of our co-workers right here, very shut individuals. That basically harm us. We’re nonetheless grieving.The thoughts performs with you. Working within the hospital, you don’t know whether or not you’re uncovered or not. God forbid one thing occurs and also you come house and one in all your loved ones members finally ends up going to the hospital, and then you definately really feel prefer it’s your fault.You recognize what I believe is likely one of the greatest issues that you simply be taught from this? You uncover that you’ve got a coronary heart. Some individuals appear to be they haven’t any feelings. They don’t care about nothing. By means of this ordeal, you’ve seen individuals change. They realized that they’ve one thing that they may give, that they may make a distinction. Throughout this time, individuals obtained to see how good you are feeling about your self while you let the nice come out of you.It was a foul expertise, however on the similar time it was one of many biggest studying experiences that I’ve had. I’m nonetheless studying daily.

I noticed all of it — tears, exhaustion, sorrow, anger, helplessness, regrets. Many instances I went house and cried as a result of I noticed the anguish of their faces and their hearts.Donna Mosley, clerk, emergency division

Donna Mosley, 64, clerk, emergency division

I’m the guts of the E.D. I began in 1982 as a registrar within the emergency room, then a unit supervisor. After which I began with E.M.S. as an E.M.T., after which a medic.

I are available in right here daily with an up angle as a result of we’re round plenty of sick individuals, lot of unfavourable vitality, and so I maintain individuals up. It makes an enormous distinction for lots of them.

I believe being part of 9/11 ready me for this, as a result of I noticed that tragedy, that I had skilled the trauma of it, I used to be capable of deal with it slightly higher.

P.P.E. gear was very scarce. I needed to guarantee that these medical doctors on each shift had N95s in order that they’ll successfully do what they should do. As a result of if the entrance line shouldn’t be properly, we’re in bother, in and out.

The households not with the ability to talk with their family, that was actually exhausting.

I might take the member of the family’s identify and cellphone quantity and guarantee that that physician reached that household. That was the least that I may do to offer them the knowledge that they wanted.

We may have been uncovered at any time. No person knew what it actually does — if it lingers within the air, if it doesn’t, we didn’t know. We had been simply as blind as everyone else. The factor that frightens us probably the most is: What occurs if this flares up once more? Are we going to be geared up to essentially deal with it, because the complete nation is in a disaster?

I noticed all of it — tears, exhaustion, sorrow, anger, helplessness, regrets. Many instances I went house and cried as a result of I noticed the anguish of their faces and their hearts.

Typically it simply felt slightly uncontrolled, however the medical doctors saved every part collectively. There was nice management — from the medical doctors to the nurses, to the clerks, to move, to constructing service. So although we had been overwhelmed with sufferers, we needed to be there for one another.

Now for me it’s hitting slightly bit extra. I’ve time to suppose slightly bit extra, which isn’t essentially fantastic.Judy McLaughlin, senior vp and chief nurse govt

Judy McLaughlin, senior vp and chief nurse govtWe had our affected person zero the primary weekend in March, after which inside two weeks the escalation was fast. I didn’t know the place I used to be going to place the sufferers. I can open up items, however I want workers to cowl them.Usually in a nondisaster mode, due to union contracts, you may’t actually float R.N.s out of their task areas. If you name a catastrophe, it’s a must to put individuals the place you will need to. So we needed to do plenty of on-the-spot coaching, redeployment, training, and have individuals be there to assist nurses on the unit, rounding to verify they knew what they had been doing.You had been simply working, coming house, falling asleep, getting up and doing the entire thing once more. Even the weekends, if I wasn’t within the hospital I used to be on the cellphone all weekend attempting to supervise issues.The toughest half now’s reassuring sufferers it’s secure to come back again. I believe there’s nonetheless concern of the autumn, is it going to come back again once more? Are we going to be higher ready with, possibly not a vaccine, however therapy for it at the very least?I’ve been attempting to get wholesome once more, as a result of all that glided by the wayside. Now for me it’s hitting slightly bit extra. I’ve time to suppose slightly bit extra, which isn’t essentially fantastic.We’re a safety-net hospital. We’re not wealthy. We don’t have rather a lot, so we’ve got to make issues work typically with slightly bit much less, which makes it more difficult.I used to be very happy with us. I believe we did an ideal job contemplating the conventional challenges we’ve got. Numerous that was plenty of key individuals, the teamwork, rising to the event. I don’t suppose anyone did it any higher than we did.

I name it the little engine that would. You could have this group hospital that stands tall in opposition to the large methods.Gary G. Terrinoni, president and chief govt

Gary G. Terrinoni, president and chief govtI name it the little engine that would. You could have this group hospital that stands tall in opposition to the large methods. I do suppose we’re a gem.Probably the most irritating half is admittedly coping with the problems that encompass fairness. Covid has highlighted, much more, disparities and issues in Medicaid reimbursement. It’s the drum I’ve been beating for 4 and a half years. We’re a safety-net hospital. We get about 70 p.c on the greenback for Medicaid sufferers, that means the reimbursement shouldn’t be masking our value.Previous to Covid, we weren’t being state-subsidized and never being city-subsidized. We had been really holding our personal, however marginal at finest.We’re sitting on a billion {dollars} of actual property. I do know an enormous system would choose us up. We’re combating like heck for that to not occur.

We had to determine a strategy to take a look at for one thing that didn’t exist earlier than. We did about 4 months of labor in about 4 days.Wade Winchell, laboratory administrative director

Wade Winchell, laboratory administrative director

I initially was a respiratory remedy main. I needed to give CPR to somebody once I was in that program, and I noticed rapidly that direct affected person care was not one thing I may deal with. My professor stated, “What do you consider laboratory?” Laboratory is one thing that contributes to care in a extremely smart way, nevertheless it doesn’t contain straight dealing with a affected person.

I grew to become director of administration the day earlier than the outbreak. Our earlier administrator had handed away. Charline Falletta. She was an enormous mentor. Now we have about 70 staff whole. And we’ve got a laboratory data system that integrates about 200 items of know-how.

We had to determine a strategy to take a look at for one thing that didn’t exist earlier than. We did about 4 months of labor in about 4 days. I used to be there with my microbiology supervisor, Shakeela [Jones], and her staff for that complete weekend, from 9 a.m. till in all probability about midnight simply crunching the info getting everybody skilled. It was fairly wild.

Daily seeing the info bounce and never figuring out if in the present day can be the day it might be the most important quantity was actually taxing, simply not figuring out when it might cease.

The toughest half is falling asleep, however as soon as I get asleep it’s actually exhausting to get up. After I get up I’m normally simply exhausted. The emotion is form of completely different daily. Some days I really feel able to face the problem and go into this, and different days it seems like I simply may sleep till it’s over.

I bear in mind simply panicking. Like, how are we going to get by this? How can we do that each single day?Janmeet Purewal, medical pharmacy supervisor

Janmeet Purewal, medical pharmacy supervisorWe ended up having a number of pharmacists that fell sick. It was very humbling. You by no means count on one thing like this to occur and you actually notice the affect that your job makes. It’s very straightforward to get burned out, nevertheless it actually helped us to keep in mind that on the finish of the day, what issues is the affected person. It’s not how we’re feeling. It’s a lot greater than us, and we’ve got a bigger function to play and we simply must do our greatest to take care within the issues that we do daily.There have been instances when so many sufferers had been on the identical medicines and we had been working out and I used to be like: What are we going to do? Issues are on again order. Issues weren’t coming in. You’d hear, “Code blue, code blue,” then the orders flood in. I bear in mind simply panicking. Like, how are we going to get by this? How can we do that each single day?It was actually intense for a few weeks and also you simply anticipated it to be like this for months. Abruptly it simply flattened out. We’re nonetheless form of on edge.I’m an Indian and it’s all the time been one thing pushed on you: Ooh, develop into a physician. A pharmacist, it’s not as prestigious. That’s how it’s all the time with our dad and mom, our households. However now, I’m very completely satisfied to be on this subject. I do suppose that the work we do goes unnoticed, and that’s OK. So long as we all know the work that we’re placing in and the way we’re making an affect.Typically I catch it. They’re outdoors, ringing the bells. Yesterday they’d E.M.S. providers and other people from the group simply dancing outdoors. After which the N.Y.P.D. comes and so they all have their sirens wailing. It’s a pleasant feeling to see that occur. It’s such a unifying second for the group.Every time a affected person is being discharged, we might all hoot and holler collectively. Right here we play Bob Marley.

There’s new challenges forward and I’m making ready myself and my staff for the subsequent wave. Covid won’t win.Dr. James Gasperino, chairman of the division of drugs, chief of essential care

Dr. James Gasperino, chairman of the division of drugs, chief of essential care

I’m going from bedside to boardroom. However I all the time worth the front-line place function. I nonetheless go to each fast response and cardiac arrest within the hospital. And through Covid I needed to let individuals know that I’m proper by their aspect each step of the best way. We’re a staff, and I’m going to guide you thru this.It’s the oldest hospital in Brooklyn, a staff of those that has a dedication to affected person care and serving to the group. We did it for a safety-net group, that means that the social determinants of well being play an enormous function of their outcomes, and places them at a big drawback in the event that they get sick. And I’m actually proud that after they hit the door we did an ideal job for them.I need to have the ability to deal with something, wherever, anytime. In essence, coaching for struggle. I personally underestimated Covid. There may be actually nothing that I hadn’t seen. I felt that that is going to be a foul flu state of affairs, that is what we do. I believe it was a really sophisticated struggle.I recall one night time — it was one affected person after one other, after one other. And so they had been so sick. I stated to myself, if this retains up, we’re going to be overwhelmed right here. As a result of I hadn’t seen something like this earlier than.After one in all my night time shifts, one in all my shut colleagues who I actually belief stated, “Pay attention, you’ve obtained to go house.” I used to be drained, I need to’ve seemed completely different, I used to be working 30-hour shifts.After which it hit me. My style modified, and that was an indication that I used to be coming down.I went to stand up and I simply collapsed, I believed I broke my jaw. That’s once I knew, this factor is for actual. It was shut. There have been a number of darkish moments there.Lots of people stated, “Oh, you’ve modified rather a lot, you appear happier.” I’m grateful that I’m alive, as a result of lots of people didn’t make it. And, you recognize, it may’ve been me.



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